Decide right now if you want your spouse back. If they don't love you and are not able or capable of loving you - do you want to be with them? Or are you just used to it? Figure that out quickly.
The sooner you pull away and leave them to be in their own world, come what may, the better. Don't just change you, change the dynamic....Move (emotionally) away as quickly as you can. Seems counter intuitive, but really, your choices are limited. If you do not - you are going to be on that ride until you both implode and you are left to pick up the pieces.
The revisiting and repainting the past? Don't they have to do that? So you can be blamed? 'Cause it cannot be their fault, can it? (that's a nugget)
"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Persevere = happily being patient over a long period of time