Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
Originally Posted By: Gardener
hm,
Originally Posted By: hoosiermama
Do you all still struggle with what I'm struggling with this evening--that sense of being discarded
Yes.
Originally Posted By: hoosiermama
...and unworthy?
No. You are (I am) worthy. You are enough. And you matter. You were wronged; you are not wrong.
Originally Posted By: hoosiermama
I can't say I miss xH, really; I'm not even sure if I miss being married, because it wasn't at all what I expected or wanted it to be in spite of trying really, really hard to make it so
Good. You're healing.
Originally Posted By: hoosiermama
I suppose I miss my dreams, then, of what I thought marriage and family would be...
Now you're getting at/to that which you really, understandably mourn and grieve.
Originally Posted By: hoosiermama
...and I feel like a failure
Stop. That. Now.
Originally Posted By: hoosiermama
...finding myself as isolated at 54 as I was at 24. There's something about being told all the things we were told in the end that tends to make one feel fundamentally flawed...
And all of which was guilt-shifting, guilt-assuaging bullsh!t!!
Originally Posted By: hoosiermama
but I'm so ready not to see myself as someone who got dumped and is still struggling to get some kind of life back. Do you ever feel that way? when do we get to feel whole again?
You didn't "get dumped." I didn't "get dumped." We were left by people who lost their way or who were never who they presented themselves to be. I get to feel whole again when I decide to feel whole again. I am enough. I matter. I was wronged and had sacred vows disregarded and spit in my face. And it was not about me. And it was not about you. It was - and is - and will remain - about them!.

Screw dating until you are ready - AND DON"T NEED IT .
Be You! Hoosiermama. Alone. Whole. Enough.
Pity parties are okay. As long as they are few, far between and short. I'm doing so much better, but I must admit that after almost two years, it still takes up a majority of my daily thinking. You and I will be further along when we are further along. Who puts a time-limit on healing?
Heal. In your time. As an unflawed, unlacking, eventually-fine-to-be-alone, whole person..
Just you. Alone. Fine.
It all (re)starts from there.
Time.
Your time, hm.
However much time you need.
Just don't wallow. Ditch the negative BS. Again: You were maliciously, selfishly wronged. You are not wrong. You are not the one who's malicious. You are not the one who is selfish.
Move forward.
Baby steps.
And celebrate each and every one of them.
You are inherently good and decent and lovable.
Period.



whistle whistle whistle whistle


And yes, that is the highly-coveted "Puppy's 4 Whistles Award," which gets handed out, like, NEVER.

Puppy


"What is best for my kids is best for me"

Persevere = happily being patient over a long period of time