If she has anything constructive to share, I'll listen, but won't spend much time listening to her complain about the failures of last night.
A woman needs a man that can listen to her. That creates emotional connection when you can withstand her feelings. She can sense that you think you failed - not attractive - so I would bet she will test you on last night again. Validate her but don't let her tell you what you think, feel or believe. That why you call her out on the "thoughtless" comment, she's mind reading because she wants to know what you are thinking.
It's OK for her to feel anything she wants. You aren't responsible for her feelings.
Don't let last night be a big deal. It wasn't a failure. It was just unhealthy dialogue that can be improved.
"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Persevere = happily being patient over a long period of time