Here's what worked for me- exposing the affair publicly- to his family, his workplace, his friends, her family and friends, etc- I used Facebook and in person contact. Yes, he was very angry at first. Then I stopped contacting him completely, and let him stew in his own mess at the OW's house. He lasted about a week there. It probably helped that she has bratty children and that she quit her job, so he was around them all 24/7. I also got a life. I hired a babysitter and started going out.
Last week, I went to our local pub all by myself and made lots of friends. I would not recommend what I did to anyone else, necessarily, but I'd been drinking: I met one of Mr. RT's underlings at work, and made out with him. I brought him home with me. When we arrived at my house, Mr. RT was lurking about outside- he saw who I'd come home with and flipped out. It was a massive shock to him, and he got a taste of what I'd been going through. Within a day or two, he was begging to come home- he was miserable at OW's house, and realized that he didn't want me to be with anyone else.
We called the OW and I listened to him end it with her. She was upset, and she and I had 'words' on through Facebook. Nasty, nasty words- using things he'd told me about her, I ripped her to shreds- I insulted her kids, her parenting, her housekeeping, her morals- everything. In any case, I'm quite sure that Mr. RT and OW are finished for good.
Mr. RT and I have had an amazing week. He called my parents and apologized, apologized to his bosses, talked to the padre about getting help for his problems, quit his side job at the pub, and has generally been full of remorse and out of the 'fog'. We are going out together this evening, and there's a good chance that OW will be there, so we'll see how that goes- could be interesting.
In conclusion, I would have to say that DB-ing, when done quickly and correctly, is very effective. I'm not sure what the future holds, but for now, it's looking pretty good.
"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Persevere = happily being patient over a long period of time