It's like when my teenaged and college-aged daughters would object to my "control" in their lives. I would point out to them that "You say you want to be independent, but as long as I'm paying for half your college expenses (or living in my house, etc.), then I'm sorry, you're NOT 'independent'."
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712