Living in Limbo - Defined as: a state of uncertainty or aof being kept waiting...As long as you sit around hoping today is the day your spouse will pull their head out of their butt, you will continue to live like this...Make your boundaries known as fast as possible, lay them out and be prepared to follow through with them...Stop being a pansy, this is your life as well and if you are ok with sitting here 10 years from now still hoping today is the day, stop your griping.
Letting Go - There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isnít the end of the world, itís the beginning of a new life. Just like limbo, as long as you continue to cling on to something that just isn't there, you will never be able to move forward. I have seen this prevalent here in Newcomers however it is worse in the MLC forum.
Being a Doormat - Defined as: One who submits meekly to domination or mistreatment by others. Most doormat people have low self-esteem, no backbone, and are "yes" people (meaning they try to please everyone by doing what is asked of them, or told to them). I would say most doormat people are afraid of rejection and of being ridiculed by others. They do their best to avoid confrontation and back down very easily if pushed. Being respectful, setting and keeping boundaries doesn't make you a doormat, bending over backwards to please everyone makes you a doormat... Ladies, time to find your backbone, men, time to find your testicles.
Mind-Reading - Defined as: Assuming special knowledge of the intentions or thoughts of others. When we have an interaction with someone else, we are constantly observing their behavior and listening to their responses (or noting the absence). We then add our own interpretation of what it all means. We use our own representation system and our own value system to reconstruct how the other got to chose that particular response. We use our experiences, our world view, our values, our beliefs to reconstruct what the other thinks. When this happens, take some time to ask yourself: How do I know this? How do I know that he thinks Iím stupid, lazy, man enough or whatever. Did they say so? Most likely they haven't said any of these things. Simply asking yourself this simple question is a major step in preventing continued mind reading.
For the newbies reading this...You need to keep in mind that not all marriages will survive this, no matter how much work you put into it, no matter how many changes you make (and I am hoping you are making them for yourself and not for anyone else), no matter how much weight you lose, what color you change your hair, how many laps you can now run etc...
There are zero guarantees any of these things will save your marriage.
I came here with the intention of "saving" my marriage over a year ago...
Guess what? I didn't, and I am ok with that...
I am a better person because of what I have learned, I am no longer a doormat, I can hold my own with anyone I come in contact with, I am not a piece of garbage (like I thought I was) to be tossed out just because my spouse got a crazy itch between his legs, I am worthy of so much more.
We all are and when you finally start to believe that, you will then see the changes within you that will help you to not only survive, but thrive.
"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Persevere = happily being patient over a long period of time