...Discussing the logistics of separation....Everything in my gut tells me I should initiate a R conversation... what I have learned from DB and the forum says act cool and just proceed like it does not overly affect me....She knows I don't want this...I know there is probably no point in re stating this...Is there a proper way to just come out one last time and say. "I am going ahead with this even though I believe it to be completely unnecessary and something we will both regret" or do I just act like I am completely ok with the separation and just focus on what i need to do.
You've answered all of your own questions here. She will SEE what you are doing (ACTIONS, not WORDS, remember?) and she's free to stop you if and whenever she wishes.
If you make a speech or some grand pronouncement about it, then EVERYTHING you've listed above will just appear to be some sort of "tactic" by you to get her back, and you will have wasted all of your positive moves.
As Coach says, "Lead." She already knows how you feel.
"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Persevere = happily being patient over a long period of time