Originally Posted By: Greek
I don't know why you can't deal with this time in your marriage the way we've advised others on this forum to manage their marriage when a wayward spouse returns to the marriage following an affair. Just b/c you had consented to the A really doesn't change your approach now in my opinion.

Require transparency on her part. The security that she is indeed ALL IN going forward is necessary for you to heal and the marriage to get feet firmly on the ground.

You've already put the boundary about OM in place. But if she's just coming back to be in a sort of roommate arrangement with you, is that satisfying for you? If not, this boundary should be declared, as well. "Wife, I understand that you are working through and struggling with many things right now. I'm patient but not a martyr. I need intimacy in my marriage and I want to know if you will commit to what it will take to work toward that goal for us." That could be counseling, Retro weekend and follow up, religious counseling or whatever you all find.

Also, it is important for you to take care of yourself. You have got to have some scar tissue from these last 6 years of open marriage. Self image, self esteem, confidence, all must have taken a hit. How are you going to recover that ground? What do you do for fun - just for you? Where are your interests and are they reflected in your life? Hobbies? Friends? Taking care of you is KEY!

"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712