Maybe they are just looking out for their needs. Your WAS is not your enemy, they are another person who is hurt, confused, and searching for answers. They are not doing it the way the LBS wants. Until you can detach and look at your sitch like your are "looking into the fishbowl" and see your M for what it is in reality and the feelings that surround it then you remain stuck.
Blaming your WAS for how they feel doesn't work. Seek to understand how they feel and then the solutions appear. Compassion is what you need to see them.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712