I just wish everything comes out, so we can move forward. That is what I want. I want all the skeletons to come out, no matter how bad. I just don't know how to get to that point with out flat telling or pressuring her to do so.
Wishing isn't a plan.
"Here is what I need in my marriage___________, ___________, _____________, and________________. If you can't respect that then I have decided that I can't be married to you."
The blanks are the non-negotiable issues. "I won't share you with another man."Joint decisions on how we spend our money."
You then need ways to verify these issues. Transparency: access to each others e-mail, FB, cell phone etc. Weekly discussions about your finances. Find solutions that work for you two.
You steer clear of the emotions by thinking thru the issues. Calm, cool and collected. Lead on brother.
"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Persevere = happily being patient over a long period of time