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I have often heard or seen women and men say "You have to trust me... Don't you trust me?"
When I was a kid 15 or so years ago that phrase was important and I was completely on side with that point... But NOW I see it a different way...
NOW when I hear "Don't you trust me?" or "We have to trust each other" I think
What he or she is SAYING is :
"I realize you are getting anxious that I am taking uncessary risks with our relationship. Despite how uncomfortable, anxious, and panicked you are about my contacting attractive men or women I am going to pursue that contact and I dont' care if you are uncomfortable... how much I enjoy myself is more important than your feeling safe in our marriage."
Now when I see a TV show or something and I hear people go on and on about the importance of trust in a relationship I just start calling Bullshite...
They aren't askign for trust, they are asking for their spouse to SUCK UP panic attacks so THEY can play fast and lose with their commitments... Not Cool
I do trust and I can. But My willingness to trust is parallel with my spouse's attention to taking safety measures.
If I am in a car with someone and they start to break a lot of traffic laws and speed.. .I will call them on it. If they say "Don't you trust me" I would just say
"I trust people who put the safety of themselves and others on the road first and foremost on their minds. YOu aren't doing that. I trust mature behaviour.. And I aint seein any here."
Marriages are no different than minding the rules of the road. If you want to get safely to your destination, you need to pace your vehicle and follow the rules of the road.
Trust isn't the issue, its how mature are they to the rules of safe driving and marriage.
People who play fast and loose with rules, can't be trusted and shouldn't be.
R2C, you need to STICKY that sucka into your "Quotes" thread!!!
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712