I know what you mean on the rejection thing. My C helped me with that early on. I told him that and his feedback was that in my W's mind, she felt "rejected" in the M. You know your W, so think about that and if you think she might have felt rejected in the M (again from her view), then it can help you deal with your feeling of rejection.

I have not been separated as long as you have, so I don't want to pretend I have all the answers for you. I can just let you know what helped MY perspective, which is putting myself in my W's shoes when I get angry or depressed about things, and understanding that she FEELS she put up with this for a long time. Doing that has helped me with patience and understanding.

You read sometimes that a WAW will "rewrite history". There is some truth to that, but what I have found is it's more like they "exaggerate history". As other posters have said, this is their feelings and emotions at work. I have noticed that my W's emotions are toning down. A few months ago, you used the phrases "you always..." and "you never....". She is not doing that near as much now. She also had no willingness for C then, and does now.

As far as responding to "don't put this all on me", let's see if you get some other responses. I would probably just ask her "w, what do you mean by that?". Her answer will probably give you insight into the things that caused your separation in her eyes. You can use her answer to gauge how things might have changed over the time that has gone by.

When your W said "I think divorce is the best thing", you said "I agree with you". That's fine with me and that advice is given on this board. I am not going to disagree with it, it's just not what I did. Instead of saying "I agree", I asked "why do you think that?" or just "why?". Then, based on her answer, if you then want to say "I agree", then go for it. I wanted to know more of what she was feeling, so I ASKED.

From my perspective, anytime I was not sure how to respond to something, or if I simply was not ready to respond to it yet, I put it back to my W in the form of a question.

"Why do you ask?"
"What do you mean?"
"I hadn't thought about it that way, what do you think?"

She is probably saying "don't put this all on me" because she feels you are not taking responsibility as her H for why she feels like she wants to divorce.

I can remember one time my W talking about our divorce paperwork. I don't even remember the question she asked me, but my response was something like "is this really the best thing to do?" She said something like "what else can we do?" I said "well, let's talk about that". And we did....led into a great discussion.


Glimmerman