I agree with dropping the rope.

You certainly don't have to take my advice (if you can even call it advice), but I would proceed a little cautiously since it sounds like even your mutual friend doesn't really know the extent of what might or might not have happened w/ your W & OM.

I can understand that 9 mos seems like a long time to wait.

By the way, your W feeling like she still has it is not a unique thing. That's part of the emotional stuff that many of us on this board deal with. As the years go by in a M, many of us guys fall down in that area (I'm guilty as charged there). Our W's need us to give them that feeling. When you get to where you & I are in our R's, it can be tough because when we try to start doing that again it comes across as manipulative in the early going.

Two of the main things that W's need are focused attention on them from their H, and the feeling that they are being taken care of (financial security/protection).

Patience (as much as possible)