I don’t know where to begin. Jan 10th, 2009…I walked away. Packed it all up, H came home and I told him I was leaving him. He had no idea things were wrong even though the last three – five years I told him things were not right. I told him November 2008 that I was looking for my own apartment and hoped to be out on my own January 2009. He didn’t believe me or hear me or wanted to comprehend. My brother ended up passing away December 2008 so much more added stress which took me out of state to tend to funeral and what not.
The 3-5 years prior I had gained a lot of weight. Our marriage was based on common interests and activity. The verbal abuse of my weight gain and the nagging became tiresome. I had even resorted to triathlons to drop the weight to no avail. I became the pre-WAW, withdrew, started putting money away so I could leave. During this time I did not know at the time, but I was having an EA which then turned into a PA in Sept 08, which I am currently in and starting to come out of the fog.
In the past year I have filed for D in June, lived with OM and H. Back and forth four or five times. The last time I moved back to H, he was doing the groveling, begging and telling me he loved me, all common things NOT to do. I was back in the “night mare” and decided it was time to get out of all this. Last Friday was mediation day to “settle”. SHIAT, too easy. D is just too damned EASY. I feel I have put 110% into marriage with a self centered person. I TOLD him things were not going well. I TOLD him we needed counseling. I TOLD him if he didn’t pay attention to his wife, she would be gone. I TOLD him if he told me one more time if “you don’t like it you can leave” that I WOULD leave. I NEVER nagged, that I know of. Maybe I should have. He told me he has changed. He wanted to show me. He wanted me to give it an honest shot. I just couldn’t with all the “whining and groveling” he was doing. I’ve been in IC most of my married life trying to figure out what my problem was. Why wasn’t my marriage working out? My fault? Why do I truly feel that I haven’t done everything I could possibly do to save my marriage? Even though I DID the work? I went to the IC. I read the self help books on trying to save the marriage. WTF??
At the time I made my decision to leave my H, I had gotten WLS (weight loss surgery). OM was telling my how wonderful I was and beautiful I was w/o the surgery. Even tried to talk me out of the surgery. GEE who am I going to turn to? The H that has conditions of weight on the marriage or the OM that is full of compliments no matter what?
What brought me here? I was at a bookstore looking for a book on how to deal with the emotion of a divorce. What was next to that book I wanted? DR! I picked up DR and found the section on a WAW and just started BAWLING my eyes out and that has brought me to this forum.
There is NO OTHER person that I will find that will have the same common interests, activities, views on life, etc.
As it stands, I am living in another state with OM. I had no where else to go because H shut all credit cards off and closed checking accounts and wasn’t giving me spousal support. He wouldn’t give me any money till we saw the mediator and it was all in writing. (My option was to live with H or to opt out and go live with OM for I have NO family or friends in the area) If I ordered spousal support through the court that put us into litigation instead of mediation. All that’s left for D to be final is to get a listing of the assets, VIN #’s on vehicles, check to the mediator and our judgment will be typed up for us to sign and for it to go to the judge.
How do I work through all this? How do I get my H to give me one more shot? I will be calling for phone coaching.
Me: WAW/MLC 41 H: 42 M: 16 yr T: 20 Me: EA/PA started Sept 2008 D: Anytime, just need to sign papers http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1968939&page=1