MF, yes, he's certainly trying but I'm not sure that it's enough. What he's doing is what is comfortable for him. I don't see him trying in the most important thing--communication. And I'm not entirely sure he's the best person for me or that this R is what's best for either one of us.
WA, I'm not sure I'm handling all these hormones very well. I'm just not used to having them (was on BC pills for over a decade) that it usually doesn't occur to me either until after the fact. Testosterone and sex drive be damned, I may get back on the pill to save my sanity!
Rocked, thanks for the passive perspective. BF and I talked about this stuff when we were doing the ATA exercises. I know that 95% of the time he truly doesn't care and is willing to do whatever I want, plus I do enjoy planning activities, trips, etc. But when I specifically ask for his input and explain that I would like to know his thoughts on a major life change I expect him to come back to me with something.
So it's been a couple days and we still haven't talked about it.
We went to the whiskey bottling Friday morning and BF ended up getting wasted. The head guy approached me and asked if I was with BF (I really wanted to say no). He said it wasn't a big deal and has happened with others, he just wanted to make sure BF wasn't going to drive home. I was mortified. I drove us home and BF slept it off in the truck in the driveway. I was so pissed off because he knows how I feel about the appropriate time/place for heavy consumption yet he continues to do it without any regard for my feelings. Please don't get the wrong idea, BF does not have a drinking problem. This isn't a daily/weekly/monthly occurrence. But it has happened enough that I'm sick of it.
When he finally came in the house I told him how much he had embarrassed me, to the point that I don't feel like I can do another bottling. He said he was sorry and that obviously he had embarrassed himself too. I said it's not obvious because he usually tells me that I'm overreacting and blows it all off. I ended the convo by saying that it's not the end of the world but I'm really tired of that behavior.
Today we went out to breakfast and BF announced that he's been given an opportunity at work. The last time he said this we ended up moving to Anchorage. Not so bad this time, he's going to be travelling for most of the next 2-3 months. I don't know what kind of reaction he expected me to have but I just asked if he wanted to do that or if he even had a choice. Yes, he wants to do it and no, he doesn't have a choice. I said fine, I can manage by myself no problem. He's going to a couple places that I really want to visit (Atlanta & Charlotte) so he said I can come with on those trips.
I think this will be good for me. I'll have some space and time to figure out what I really want. I can focus totally on myself and get back into healthy diet and exercise habits without distraction.
I've decided not to bring up moving for now. If he feels strongly about it or has any big questions or concerns he needs to bring it up. I'm not going to do his work for him. I'm going to make decisions with the information I have at hand and just go from there.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
