Hey (((Pearl))) I am making an exception to my "break" from the boards specifically to respond to you b/c I actually feel like I have something to offer to this (which I haven't been feeling for awhile... )
In my R I am the passive one. It has bothered my H for years. I know it. He has raised it many times. He often has accused me of the very words I saw you use "putting it off on" him... in other words, making him feel like everything hangs on him to decide, take responsibility for etc.
I am hoping my perspective might help you see things from your BF's perspective as well...
The passivity is absolutely NOT for lack of caring. It is the opposite. I know in my R it was precisely b/c I cared about my H's feelings/wants/preferences so much that I truly wanted him to be happy and wanted him to get what he wanted (eg. where to eat, whether to out that night or stay home etc.) It truly, truly, truly would not matter to me... he could never understand that. It made me happier to feel he was getting what he wanted than for me to insist on something I wanted. Or, there really, truly wasn't a preference for me anyway.... Does that make sense? I know my H has never been able to understand this, and it has frustrated him to no end, but I truly thought it was loving to be that way before. It didn't seem to matter how many times he expressed frustration about it, I still would respond that way because I wanted him to be happy. It has taken this crisis for me to really "get it" the degree to which things like that made him unhappy instead. So, I am working on 180's to be decisive, make decisions and just stick to them, speak up etc. But, let me tell you Pearl, for someone with my personality (and maybe your BF's) it is so counter-intuitive to do that! I literally sometimes just pick a choice that I really am not invested in and "act as if" I am and be firm and decisive about it b/c that is better for our R.
I hope this helps.... I hope it might give you a window into your BF's world about this....
)