Yes, I'm finding that out. She swears up and down that she's happy as long as I'm happy, but I really don't want to put up with the snide comments. Sigh. We'll see. I still haven't responded to her letter because I've been going through some other stuff...
Last night BF and I started out fooling around and ended up in a heavy R talk. Another Sigh. I really need to work on holding things in for a better time to talk. But I was just overcome because we're heading out for a weekend in the mountains tonight and the last time BF went on a ski vacation it was with OW (twice).
It actually started out about sex and wondering if he compares my body to OW because we are built quite differently. I told him I know he thinks I'm sexy (because I am ;)) but he always said that big boobs didn't matter and then he went out and cheated with a rack. He said the sex wasn't good with them but I read an email from her that said he was in lust which implied there was lots of sex so it couldn't have been that bad if he kept going back for more. He said he tired of it quickly because she was boring in bed and didn't have any personality. So what's to stop him from straying again if our sex life gets boring?
From there it went to being unsure about this trip because I know he skiied with her last winter and how much that hurt me. He bought me new skis and boots in Sept so we could ski as something to do together in the winter, then he only took her. It hurts so much because it feels like he just gave her my life: he brought her into my house with my pets, did the activities that we were supposed to do together, took her on the ski trip with his brother and sil, didn't take me to his company Christmas party because she was there, called and emailed her on my birthday, etc. I got really upset because he said he was trying to spare my feelings--I called BS because it was obvious he was more concerned about her and lying about it now just made it hurt more.
So I finally told him that I needed to know (but was afraid to know) why he decided he wanted to come back to me. I need to know that I'm not just a fallback option because OW turned out to be boring. After a few minutes he said that when he realized that the sex wasn't good and OW had no personality he started thinking about how much personality I have, that I'm smart and fun, that we did enjoy doing things together, and just how much he had lost. So I thanked him for telling me for that because all this time (since April) I didn't know if he came back for me or because it's just a comfortable life.
I guess the plan is still to go to the mountains tonight. I'm going to try to put on a smile and not think about OW because I hate that I even spend a second letting her into my life. Not sure how I'll hold up for the weekend but I did buy myself a fabulous new ski jacket so at I will look good on the slopes or walking around town.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
