So my GF who I totally relied on during the worst of things is upset with me. We have not really been close since the spring for several reasons. Things came to a head when she completely ignorged my birthday and I unfriended her on FB.
She wrote me a letter and said she didn't do that to hurt me (so untrue) but that she's tired of constantly supporting me and me not supporting her.
I'm just so annoyed right now that I'm employing the 48 hour rule before responding.
First of all, yes, I have been selfish this past year. To be fair, I'm fairly selfish in general and always have been. My longtime friends all know this about me. (I'm not using that as an excuse because I do try to always be a good friend and bend over backwards for my friends. Just pointing out that this is not something new, it's one of my bad points that has to be taken with my good points.) But this year has been extremely difficult and I thought that's what friends are for, to lean on in the rough times.
She said she needed support and I didn't give it. I'm having trouble with this one because part of me thinks I should just know to be there and part of me thinks she's expecting me to mindread. If she needs me for something she should come to me and tell me that, otherwise how am I supposed to know? Or should I just know?
She thinks I'm not talking to her because she is not supportive of me getting back together with BF. She swears she never said or implied that, that as long as I'm happy she's happy for me. Not completely true. She has said that, but she has also made snide comments about why would I ever want to go back to him. And this is not new. When I first told her that we were moving to AK she asked me why I would do that. Because BF has an amazing work opportunity so that's what is best for us. Her response: "Just because he goes doesn't mean you have to." At that point we had already been together for over four years and owned our first house. It's not like it was a casual relationship.
And that's not why I haven't been talking to her. I realized that I was always the one to call, email, make plans. Then she complained to me that she was tired of being the one to make all the effort with her other friends. Really? Where is any of that effort with me? Especially since she considers me her best friend. So I simply waited for her to make the first contact. That was in the spring.
My take on the situation: she is happy when I am having problems and not as happy when my life is going well. Also I think she's not dealing well with the fact that I reconnected with my BFF after years of estrangement.
We have been friends for over 20 years and I really don't want to sever the relationship, but I don't know if it can be fixed at this point. It's just sad.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
