Originally Posted By: braindeadguy

I finally realized after 2 1/2 months (since I confronted her about the affair) that even though I still love my wife with all my heart it's really up to her to want to put things together. She has to show remorse and prove to me that I'm number one in her life, not the memories of the OM who dumped her.


When I read this bit a light bulb came on in my head.

I tried to talk to my wife just a few days ago and told her that she had to put herself out there if she wanted something. She had to open herself up and have fear of rejection in order to fight for, and get, what she wants. I was referring to my daughters (her step-daughter) but I was referring to me too.

My biggest mistake, or maybe it wasn't, was to tell her that I had moved on and that I wouldn't take her back. At the time this is what I was feeling and I acted out of emotion rather than thinking. However I actually feel like it's cleared the air slightly as there is no more talk of the M as there isn't one.

Since then I've had a phone call (okay I missed it but she tried) which is a HUGE leap forward for us (the last call I got was probably about 8 weeks ago) and two texts. I told her no more texts unless it's just to exchange facts. The fact she listened was news enough.

I am moving on with my life but will not give up until the ink on the D is dry. But, as you said, it is up to HER to fight for us. I will be here when she wants to do that but I'm not running after her anymore.

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I also know that I'm in control because I am willing to endure and have patience. I will SHOW her my love but not push and not pursue.


How are you showing her love?

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I will be there for her when SHE calls ME but I won't initiate contact unless it's an emergency about the kids.


I am slowing getting the strength to do that. It was difficult for a while - a lot of pursuing from me, and also from her (which still confuses me) when I told her to leave me alone. The OM has now moved in with her and contact is now very different.

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I've learned that it's not over until I quit and I'm just getting started!


I wish you all the luck in the world. I really really do.


Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y
Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010

"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient."
"Delay is the antidote for anger"