Swimming against the current - PH in piecing

[pearlharbr]

How do I react? In the early days I think I was a bit emotional but not too bad. At that point the dam of tears had burst (I didn't cry during the A, just went numb) and lots of things set me to weeping. Actually, that is more my normal state, I'm a crier in general (movies, commercials, songs, books, you name it) and I even cry when I get very angry, it just manifests that way. So BF is used to seeing my tears. And I did explain that while all of this is hurtful, it's not as bad as it may look and what I really needed was to know the truth. The two recent instances I was a lot more upset because both involved him trying to hide something from me that I discovered anyway. I told him during his A that the lying hurt me more than the cheating and I resented him treating me as if I were stupid because I did know the truth. So what I am reacting to is his lying (omission and/or hiding things) and his blase attitude when I call him on it.

Does he just want to avoid upsetting me? Yes. But again, he knows (we discussed this early in our R) that I tend to have an emotional first reaction to get it all out and done with instead of holding onto it. He is the total opposite. I have tried over the years to lessen the dramatics (no more door slamming) but I do need to continue on working toward a lot less emotional reaction. And also, we have discussed on more than one occasion that a) my reaction at finding out he is lying to me or hiding things from me yet again is going to cause a much worse reaction, and b) he doesn't have the right to decide what details I get to know. If I ask a question I expect a full, honest answer because eventually I will discover the truth.

So I don't know what else I can/should do to make him get how important this is. I've been a broken record stating my expectations and the rationale behind them. He just doesn't get it or feels that it's not really that important. And I am reaching the end of my rope.