Swimming against the current - PH in piecing

[pearlharbr]

Puppy and Kalni, thanks for your input.

Puppy, I didn't say that out loud but I don't know how to stop the thoughts from running through my head. Yes, once the initial shock of confirmation had passed I realized that I can't be upset about it now. What I am upset about is the fact that he never told me about it before now. I know you think my expectations are too high and honestly, I remind myself of that on a regular basis. Where I struggle is wondering if I really need to lower them or if what he is doing, his supposed best, is ever going to be enough.

Kalni, we have both read Not Just Friends and worked through the exercises. That was the compromise on not going to MC. So yes, he knows exactly what you pointed out, that he needs to volunteer that information and be extremely forthcoming in answering my questions. But he hasn't done that, as evidenced by this latest incident. And his excuse is always the same: I didn't think you meant that or it never occurred to me that you'd want to know that.

It's a common pattern in his behavior throughout this entire reconciliation process. I spell out exactly what I expect, he violates my boundaries, I call him on it, and he responds with, "Well, I know you said 1-10 but I didn't think that included 4!" Then I tailspin into wondering if my expectations are too high, am I looking for reasons to be angry, etc. But when I calm down and can view things rationally I do believe my expectations are fine and he is simply NOT doing all he can despite his protestations to the contrary. He is just doing enough and that may be fine for further down the road but not now. I do not want things to slip even further from here.