Originally Posted By: Dudess
When you decided to give it a shot again, you must have thought that you would be able to forgive him and put this behind you in time, right?


No, not exactly. I thought I probably would be able to forgive him but not certain. I have told him all along that I was willing to try but there are no guarantees and at the end of the day if I couldn't get past it then we would end things. Trouble is I'm not sure where I am in that process now, somewhere in the middle or close to the end?

You're right, something that I already assumed to be true in the past doesn't change things now. But the fact that he tried to avoid telling me the whole truth about it does matter. Which is what I told him when he got home tonight.

Here's a replay of the original convo:

BF and I are discussing skiing this winter and where/how often we would like to go up. I have previously told him that I will not go to places he took OW. So I asked:

Where did you go skiing with OW?

Mountain Resort A. (I knew this is where he took her over New Years)

[Pause]

Is that all?

[Blank stare.]

What about the trip with Brother and SIL?

[Silence. Blink. Blink.]

That was Mountain Resort B.

And did OW go with you?

No, she met us up there for the day.

So she was there?

[Pause.]

Yes.

You introduced her to your family--took her on a family vacation--and didn't feel that was something important I should know?

I didn't take her on vacation, she met us up there.

Did she spend the night?

[Pause]

Yes.

Then you took her on a family vacation, a family vacation that I was supposed to be on. Nice.

[End scene.]

[Tonight he said it was the "in between time" as if that's supposed to make a difference. No, he wasn't thinking about how it would affect me or us at that point. (That's fair, I get that.) He isn't just sorry about introducing her to his family, he's sorry about everything. Well that's nice but it doesn't really mean anything to me. It doesn't address the fact that I will have to see Brother and SIL at the next family gathering knowing that they met the whore and now wonder if they liked her better than me. I resent the fact that I'm supposed to just accept that the past is the past and he can't change it now. Convenient excuse/explanation for everything he did and I can't dispute it. But back to the main issue.]

And so it goes. I feel like I'm pulling teeth, like he is only going to answer the most specific question I ask and skirt around anything he either thinks I don't want to hear or that he doesn't want to tell me. No, he insists he isn't doing that and he insists that there's nothing else to tell. But I feel like this is an iceberg and I only know a small percentage of what there is, there is a huge mountain just beneath the surface waiting to be discovered. And each discovery rips the scabs off and I have to start the healing all over again. One of these days I'm going to be too tired to start over and I'll just be happy to walk away and live with the scars.

Originally Posted By: Dudess
I don't recall, are you two in MC or is he in IC?

None of the above. I'm looking into finding an IC for myself but he doesn't feel that we need MC or that he needs IC. I could insist on MC but I don't see the point unless I know that I want this R to work out, and that's something I don't know right now.


If you love somebody, set them free.
http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g