Not much has changed. BF and I had it out when I learned that he took OW on a ski trip with his brother and sil last winter. At that time I assumed he would take her (I took my lift ticket from the ones he had purchased for this trip, if he wanted to take her then he can damn well buy her another one and not use the one meant for me!) but to have it confirmed just set me off. I was so pissed that he didn't think that taking her to meet his family was important enough to tell me.
For some reason I'm stuck on this issue again today. I woke up just fine but while I was making BF's lunch I was overcome with loathing just thinking about this.
I don't think I'm strong enough to make it through piecing. I thought I would be further along by now, not still crying at something that happened almost a year ago. And as the anniversaries of the bomb dropping, finding out about the EA/PA, etc are fast approaching I sense the old pain returning and I don't want any of it.
I'm tired of having the urge to check his cell phone and wondering when a number I don't recognize turns up on the call log. I'm tired of checking his email and knowing that he damn well knows how to erase things so there's really no point. I'm tired of looking at the women in his office wondering who will be the next OW. I'm tired of driving past the places I know he took OW. I'm just plain tired of all of it.
Part of me just wants to chuck it all and start fresh somewhere new. I know there's no guarantee I would have a better life without BF, but at least it would be different. Is it the grass-is-greener syndrome? Or is this my gut telling me to get out now?
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
