Hey Pearl,

Thanks so much for keeping up with my thread. Your support and advice mean a lot.

In catching up with yours I think Sam is the one that cuts to the chase and the one you need to ponder the most:
pearl, I couldn't tell you if your expectations for a R/M are too high or too low. I am sure you imagine your ideal R/M as something, maybe by watching other couples, maybe by imagining how things could be. But you also said that you still need to make some changes yourself. Are you making yourself happy? I guess what I am wondering is: are you somehow (partially) relying on BF to make you happy?

Please understand that I am not saying nothing's wrong with BF! He needs to make changes and right now he's procrastinating/avoiding that. But I am merely suspecting that you are, at least in part, also unhappy with the way your life is going right now even if BF wasn't in the picture. Food for thought?

Listen to your gut. Those nagging doubts are trying to tell you something. It doesn't mean the two of you won't make it but Sam is right in that YOU have to make yourself happy first, then focus on BF. I think your plan to see a therapist on your own is a good start.

Me 56
H 47
Married 21 years
No children
Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself".
Ow Bomb 8/07
H filed 6/08
D final 2/05/10