God, I have written these same things myself in my sitch. I feel for you man. I really do, I am sitting on the couch with my W and d8 tonight, if you peeked in, you would think we were still a couple, and and it's just sinking in that she is going to try and clean me out.


You have my sympathy too. My sitch is the same way- unless you knew what was going on with me and my W, you'd think everything is "normal". It's bizarre. Never thought I'd ever find myself in a sitch like this- my worst nightmare. Like you, my W is going to hit me hard financially not to mention fight hard to stop me from getting 50% custody of my kids. I have to admit, as hard as I'm trying to detach, it's HARD not feeling pi$$ed off at the emotional and financial destruction my W is going to wreak on BOTH of us and the kids if this D goes through. I've been very responsible with our family finances and if left alone, she and I could retire well by age 60. And as for our kids- well, all three were well adjusted, happy and doing good in school- until my W's A. Now S9 for sure is going to need some counseling; not sure yet about S11- he's more quiet and internalizes things. D3 will be the least affected of the three. I could go on and on about how blessed we are- how blessed my W has been. But no, as far as my W is concerned, her whole life sucks and so does her M and so does her H.

You know, IWITW, the more I think about it the more I'm starting to question why I'm fighting for my M. Like I've told my W before, there are A TON of women who would love to have Big John be THEIR problem... and that is WITHOUT the personal improvements currently underway. There are A TON of women who would love to be a part of a beautiful family like ours and have all the blessings my W currently enjoys. The fact that my W has been absolutely DESPICABLE and SELFISH in her words and behavior since the beginning of her A not to mention completely ungrateful is frankly getting REALLY OLD. Add to it that my W seems to be accepting of the impending devastation of D on all of us without a care or worry whatsoever and I have to wonder sometimes if I really do want her in my life anymore.

We can't show them how much this affects us, correct? How do we take the offense here to protect ourselves?

Every time we let it slip how pissed off we are or how worried or mad we are, it benefits them more than us. Because it demonstrates to them that we still care and they still have us over a barrel. Become disinterested- drop the rope- and suddenly thing aren't quite as comfortable.

As far as protecting ourselves, I think it starts will being proactive across the board, getting educated and then developing a solid game plan to minimize the damage to us as best we can. That and securing a good attorney.

I am calling the mediator tomorrow myself, to try and setup one last attempt at it. I am not holding out much hope. The thought of how much money I will have to hand over to her weekly is making me physically sick to my stomach. She gets to walk with a bagful of cash, new boobs, new car, and leaves me holding the bills. How in the hell is this going to be fair to me?

Mediation may be the best route for you to start with, however in my sitch I look at it as my fall back position. The reason is that mediation is all about compromise- which isn't necessarily a bad thing- however there are some things I will not compromise on (i.e. 50% custody of my kids). Once I'm done battling for what I won't compromise on and all that is left are things I will consider compromising on, then we can talk about mediation. Of course, I'm still hoping things won't get that far in the process.

As far as fairness goes, I think the best we can do is make things as less unfair as we possibly can.

M: 41
W: 39
S: 11
S: 10
D: 4
1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09
EA began: 2/14/09
EA discovered: 3/1/09
I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself