Yep, that's exactly what he's doing. He's going to have to realize that it will take a few months of you snooping and finding nothing to put your mind at ease that there really is nothing. He needs to understand that. I am sure you have already told him this in a lot of different ways, but it hasn't sunken in apparently.
I personally think that pearl shouldn't have to snoop and that is her point. He should be blatantly open about things in order to show that he has nothing to hide. How long is she going to have to snoop because he chooses to keep hiding things?
I agree with you GTFM. I didn't word my post very well. She shouldn't have to snoop, but she still feels the need to snoop and it will take some snooping and finding nothing to build the trust to the point where she feels comfortable with BF saying there is nothing.
pearl, I couldn't tell you if your expectations for a R/M are too high or too low. I am sure you imagine your ideal R/M as something, maybe by watching other couples, maybe by imagining how things could be. But you also said that you still need to make some changes yourself. Are you making yourself happy? I guess what I am wondering is: are you somehow (partially) relying on BF to make you happy?
Please understand that I am not saying nothing's wrong with BF! He needs to make changes and right now he's procrastinating/avoiding that. But I am merely suspecting that you are, at least in part, also unhappy with the way your life is going right now even if BF wasn't in the picture. Food for thought?
