Hi there GTFM, thanks for stopping by--haven't seen you around much in a while.
I think you've hit the nail on the head. I shouldn't have to snoop anymore and I definitely don't want to live like this for the rest of my life. Both of which I have told BF. He sounds remorseful but I'm back at the beginning of not believing anything he says.
It's frustrating because when I told him this in April (don't believe what you say because you've proven yourself a liar) his response was "I understand. You need to see actions and I will prove I'm serious over time." But then he does this knowing full well that the actions looked suspect at best. Grrr.
On the one hand he seems sincere in wanting to work on the R and doing the work (i.e. reading After the Affair and doing the exercises, continued open discussions). On the other hand, it feels like he's only willing to do so much (as much as he deems necessary) and that's not enough in my book.
So I'm faced with deciding how much I'm going to lower my expectations. Are they too high? I don't think so. How much do I want to be in this R? Enough to live with a series of "oops" actions? I don't think so. But one of my problems is laziness and it is much easier to stay than to face the great unknown and start over.
Well, I'm going to enjoy this week with my friends and see how the weekend goes with BF. When I decided to give reconciliation a shot I told myself that I would give it the summer and reevaluate after Labor Day.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g