Yep, that's exactly what he's doing. He's going to have to realize that it will take a few months of you snooping and finding nothing to put your mind at ease that there really is nothing. He needs to understand that. I am sure you have already told him this in a lot of different ways, but it hasn't sunken in apparently.
I personally think that pearl shouldn't have to snoop and that is her point. He should be blatantly open about things in order to show that he has nothing to hide. How long is she going to have to snoop because he chooses to keep hiding things? He knows what is inappropriate and tells her that he knows and chooses to hide it instead of communicating it. I don't think I could live like that day in and day out with the constant wondering if what comes out of his mouth is the truth or his omission filled version. Trust is so important and it seems the more she communicates to him what she needs for him to build that trust the more he hides. This reminds me very much of my situation. My STBXH cheated on me prior to us getting married. He said he did it because he was scared and didn't know if he was ready to be married, but that him cheating showed him how much he loved me and didn't want to lose me. He was very open at first. Then it became how long are you going to hang onto this. I finally got to a point where I trusted him and then found out he was cheating on me with my bestfriend(now ex bestfriend). I just have a difficult time believing that this leopard is ever going to change his spots. His actions show so much more than his words. He talks a very good game and knows how to say I'm sorry and give flowers, when all pearl wants is for him to SHOW her he means what he says by being open and honest with her. The fact that he continues to flirt and behave inappropriately and know that it hurts her raises so many red flags. I'd have to sit back and do some serious thinking about if I want my future to include the paranoia that comes with having to snoop on the person who I am supposed to be able to trust more than anyone else in the world. Just my 2 cents.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
