Not sure appropriate...I am a newcomer (2days) at the "newcomer board" and currently have a WAS but not so long ago was a WAW...though I never physically walked out I sure did mentally walk out. I am also a thinker when making a tough decision. Prior to determining my marriage was over (a decision made without consulting my H) the problems were lack of intimacy (not the sex kind), we were not doing things together...the weekends were spent with me cleaning house, doing laundry, paying bills, etc and then getting up on Monday mornings and doing the same thing week after week, over and over again, no deviation. When things got tough, whether with the kids, the finances, something breaking down, it was always me to the rescue. I became drained...felt like I was less than a woman and more on autopilot. I felt very unwanted, undesirable, and only paid attention to when someone else's world was falling apart and they needed something fixed. In short, I beleived that my H no longer loved me because if he did he would see that something was wrong and do something about it. I decided there had to be more to life than that. I never really talked about how I was feeling because everyone else's needs seemed far more important than mine, after all, we had a nice home, nice cars, nice kids and for all outward appearances a nice marriage...who was I to complain because I felt empty inside, I was the rock, the one who kept it all together and that was what seemed to be expected of me. At some point I did try to talk to my spouse...he listened when I said I needed something more...said he would try so he did a load of laundry every now and again or would run the vacuum...I thought I had articulated very well what I was looking for and so I repeated my issues and once again got the "I love you", "stick it out", "it will get better." It never did...that is what led me to believe I had no other choice but to leave...something kept holding me back from actually taking that final step though...I spent a long time trying to figure out what it was...finances, kids, 14 years...I did not know but I spent a lot of time thinking about it and what I realized was that I kept waiting for my H to prove to me he loved me...I spent a lot of time telling him what would make me feel better about us, things and I kept waiting on him to make a move but he did not...this re-enforced my belief that he just did not care and so I refused to do anything until he did. At some point I finally realized that he was not responsible for my happiness, I was and that lately I had been the picture of doom and gloom...who wants to hang out with someone like that. I also started thinking the way I preach...there are 2 sides to every story and somewhere in teh middle was the truth. The thing that kept me from, simple as that...I love my H with all my heart and I just wanted it to get better so I set myself on a course to try and do that...but mostly working on me...I still did not make any real moves on him...thought I needed to feel better myself before I could actually amke a difference in our relationship. Somewhere in there however my H decided he wanted out...he has been gone 2 weeks now and it is killing me...if I had only had DR a few months ago...if only I had had my realizations a few months ago...if only, if only...that's not the way it turned out though...I got the hurts but I I beleive it can be turned around...yes in some ways, however he has said he wants to start seeing other women and that does throw a monkey wrench into it for me because he did cheat on me before and that, whether seperated or not may just be the catalyst for the D, at least for me...he says "at this point" "it's over", etc...that gives me a little hope but I feel like when you add another person into the mix it changes the dynamic...of course everything is going to be better with that person or person's and so that is just going to drag him further away...Our D (13) has been seeing a couselor...she self mutilates...has been for awhile. H & I went to her appointment together the other day to tell the C that we had seperated and our D was having a tough time...the other womaen thing was brought up and the C says that couples who have been together for as long as e have should not date until at least 2 years after the S...I's just like DR says...paraphrasing...doomed to repeat the same mistakes...this is a 3rd marriage for both of us...I don't want to start my life over again...I want to face the issues...actually I want to put the past behind us...remember why we fell in love in the first place and put as much time and energy into our relationship as we would our other relationships...

That's kind of my story...if you are one of those people still with your spouse...just give it time...patience...stop focusing on the really don't want it to be the way it was do you? Maybe you will find your way back to each other...maybe you won't but I would start with a hard look at the end of the day my H likely feels exactly the same way I did...unloved, unwanted, undesirable and while I may not be responsible for his happiness I sure could have done more to make him feel wanted but I got so wrapped up in blaming him for feeling inadequate, like a failure and just downright dowdy that I began to act that way...and so any move I made wouldn't have made a difference anyway...I needed to get myself together...yep, he is gone and he may do some things that I don't like (other women) but it is not going to stop me from GAL or the 180's...if it works out for us as a result that's great, if not then I am still a better person for it.

M 1st 2.11.95
D 3.11.11
RM 2.12.12
S 4.9.13

UGH...pretty much same old same old...