Think I need to add a little more about the anniversary. That trip (if she goes) will determine the outcome of your M, I would think. Therefore, if she had the gall to complain about you not sending her a card or calling sooner on the anniversary, I would have to remind her that she made her intentions very plain and that any anniversary card/gift/etc., would have seem rather inappropriate under the circumstances.

Ive seen so many of the LBHs want to use the wedding anniversary as a reason for action on their part. Long, miserable hours have been endured by a lot of Hs wondering what to do. Many of them were advised not to do anything but send a TM.or at the most, a simple non-romantic card. So many of the men would end up doing opposite of what they were advised, but they couldnt seem to control their desire to use that opportunity (as they saw it) to make a move. The W, however, saw it as pursuing.
Wait and see how things go. If she even uses the excuse to go to her parents and take the kids to visit, yet claims she wont contact OM, you may have to decide what to do at that time. Heres hoping a lot will happen between now and then.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!