Vegas was fun. Did have a little cry one morning after sex when I realized that the last time BF was on a romantic weekend away having sex in a king-sized bed it wasn't with me. I really wish these thoughts would go away. I suspect they will with time but I need a better way to work through them now. Other than that we enjoyed ourselves.
Had another situation last night. After kickball the team went to a bar where BF used to meet OW. I had previously told him that I would not go anywhere he took her so we had declined going to this bar a couple weeks earlier. But this was the last game of the season and I did feel like socializing so I agreed to go. As soon as I walked in the door I started to shake. BF said we should go home if I didn't want to be there. I felt like I was damned if I do and damned if I don't--if I leave then I'm letting OW and the past dictate what I can and can't do, but if I stay then I'm backing down from a boundary that I put in place to keep my self respect in tact. After I took a few minutes to calm down I decided not to let the whore win and decided to stay. It would be easier to be there with a big fun group rather than just the two of us. Eventually I got over it and we had a good time but I don't think we'll be going back there any time soon.
Thoughts are now turning to our anniversary which is coming up in a few weeks. I don't want to celebrate it because it feels phony. Nine years together? Not really since I found out he was cheating at Thanksgiving and we broke up in January. I'm not sure what BF will say if I don't want to do anything. We haven't really done anything special for the last few years, just gone out to dinner. I kind of want to wait and see if he even remembers or thinks about making plans.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
