I noticed in your sitch that OM "fled" on 2/09 and that you are currently still in Limboland. Just curious as to how the dynamics of your R with your W have changed since OM got out of the picture. I ask because I think I'll be facing this at some point in my sitch as well. Did your W grieve after being dumped by OM? Looking back, was there any window of opportunity that may have been seized at the time OM left that might have turned things around for you and W rather than your R with your W going into Limboland?
I'm concerned about the possibility of OM dropping my W then my W starting to search for a replacement for OM, perhaps here locally. As I mentioned in an earlier post, my W has told both me and OM that she will find someone "just like him (OM)" if it doesn't work out with him (OM).
In my sitch, OM fled because I exposed the EA and threatened to expose him. I think that my W blamed me for the loss of her R with him.
She definitely went into a grieving period, and I am not sure she ever came out of it. I know she still thinks of him, looks at pictures of him, etc. She denies this all and say's it is completely over, but...
She also strictly maintains that OM was not (never was the problem) and that the M was dead before OM, and that now that OM is gone the M is still dead.
I believe she is still wishing to rekindle something with OM or find something else.
Ending the R with OM pushed us into an extended limbo period, where she was unwilling to come back into the R or to put any effort into it, but was also not ready to leave. We have been languishing there, with the R dying a death by a thousand paper cuts.
I never saw a real chance to rekindle things, but my sitch was a bit different because after OM cut things off, my W suffered a number of blows that further damaged our R: Our baby son was injured and had to go to the hospital, her mother was diagnosed with cancer, etc. Each one caused her to withdraw a bit more.
Sorry for the "bad news" - my sitch is not yours. I have reached the point where I am at my limit. I can't keep watching things get slowly worse.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.