I think Antlers has learned a very painful lesson. In trying to be unpartial here, I do believe if his W had made up with him and gone back home as soon as he decided to make those changes.....he might not have continued along that path of improvement. But, as long as it is taking her, I am in great hopes that those improvements are going to be for life. If his W doesn't change her mind and they can have a life together, I believe he is going to make a great H for another woman. But isn't it sad that the first W couldn't have that great H for herself? This is not to make you feel bad, Antlers, but I have seen that in many second marriages. Even when the first M was a good one....and the W would die....the H would have "learned" a lot of things from M and by the time he married the second time, he became a better H b/c of what he learned the first time around. One example: I cried so hard when my BIL got M to his second W after my SIL passed away. He was a much better H to the second W than the first. His first W practically worshipped him! His second W wasn't near as good to him. Ironic, isn't it? But....that is just the way we humans are. We have to learn.
In reading LL's post, I know there is much, much pain in what she says. In fact, I've been reading that in most of the posts here. Everyone is hurting. Many LBS's are angry, hurt, resentful, etc.,due to the way they have been done. All WAS are not horrible people, nor are all LBS. Sometimes I start getting too harsh in the way I say things, or I misread some post (like I did the other day) and say something too strong. In fact, there have been times that I had to just back off for a few days in order to take a deep breath and then come back. All of us are here to support each other.....and to learn from each other.
I have had to endure some pretty bad talk about WAW's while I've been here, but I know that for the most part....what is said it the truth. But, like I just told another poster....all LBH's aren't angels. Right? I think the world will never become a boring place with all of us different people who populate it. Do you agree?
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!