I'm sure there are plenty of men out there who where taken by surprize when their w up and filed for d. Maybe their w was/is having an a to add on top of the confusion. Your r seemed fine and then all of a sudden wham. Those are not the men I am questioning.
I've been with my h for 20 years, 12 of them married. I found this site when h had his ea with ow and moved out wanting a d. Eventually he came home and there was a short honeymoon period where I believed things were going to get better. Things didn't get better. They got worse with each passing year. No matter how many letters I wrote, converstaions I had, actions I took, 180's I did... My h just didn't seem to get it..or claimed to get it and that things would improve only to fall right back into his old unproductive ways. After years of struggle I finally made the decision that this m was unhealthy for me and therefore unhealthy for the children and filed for d. Suddenly h is going to c and trying to improve his life and wants nothing but to prove to me that the way he has behaved for the past decade plus is no indicator of how the rest of our lives could be if I just give him the chance. I'm expected to believe that this time will be different (he wont go back to his old ways) because well this is "it".
If it took me filing for d to get him to "get it" if he in fact gets it that just seems wrong to me.
so many on this site ask WTH is wrong with the waw what is she thinking..I'd like to know WTH is wrong with the men in this world that despite all warning they'll let their m fall to a point where the only solution seems D and then when their w files they suddenly claim willing to do the work to repair it?