Swimming against the current - PH in piecing

[pearlharbr]

Still trying to figure out how to keep some emotional detachment.

Things seem to be going well. I don't doubt that BF wants to be here with me. I do have moments when I wonder if this is what's best for me in the long run. I wonder if I'm missing out on a better life with someone better suited to me, especially now that I see FG on a regular basis. I know that he's not really interested in me, he was only interested in getting me into bed. (LOL, does that make me sound conceited!) I'm hung up on it because we just clicked and it makes me wonder if there is someone else out there I would just click with better than BF, someone with whom I would have a clean slate and someone who wouldn't put me through hell.

Ah well, I'm sure it will pass. This is the path I have chosen and I'm committed to it. Need to work on letting go of the need for external validation and instead find my happiness within myself.

I did manage to assert my independence and show that I want to spend time with BF. His volleyball game on Thur was cancelled due to weather so he wanted to come over to the house and do something with me. I said I was sorry he suddenly had no plans but I did and wasn't going to break them. I told him I was going to go to happy hour with my girlfriend and then BF and I could go to a movie afterwards if it wasn't too late. So he came over and hung out with the cats while I was out with her. I didn't cut happy hour short just because he was waiting for me. BF was fine with that, he was happy that I agreed to make any plans with him. Movie was hilarious (The Hangover) and it was good because it was my choice that he gave in to and he ended up loving it. He commented that he was glad that sometimes I make him do things he says he doesn't want to do because I know he will have a good time because he does have a good time.