Alright all. Here's the StillLovesHim update..... This past weekend, H got himself a little new place, paid for by Mommy and Daddy--his. I moved his stuff for him to be funny girl and completely regret, I didn't have the camera ready for the look on his face. The deal was, yes, move out, but H has to be home on the nights he has S because H can't afford to pay child support, plus we are no divorced. Last night, his night, he tells me he's going back to his place. I explained, nope, you can walk away from us, you can't walk away from being a father. Bottomline, we are not discussing this. I was cool about you moving out but you are here the nights you have S. End of discussion. He was annoyed. I don't care. S will stay up some nights and talk to himself. Other nights, he wants to talk to me. I have a job too. I need sleep too. H will help raise our son. I will not budge on this. Ever.
A little bit later H says "Are you ready to get going on week two of this program?" (We're doing a marriage fitness program that he said he would do, then backed out, then came back to the table....still trying to figure out why, but says he will be sincere with doing the program.) So I said "Sure." We did the second week of the program which included two CD's we had to listen to and some workbook stuff. This week we had to make a list of our issues and problems and then "table them". Meaning it is time to admit we can't solve these issues right now, so let's table them, build up some trust and love and then go from there. The list was actually pretty short. I asked him to cut back contact with certain people, females. And he asked me to let the past go. We also made some promises, and it was overall, pretty good.
The most interesting thing: H said I stopped being affectionate. I said I know, once S was born I did change, but please understand, I GAINED 60 POUNDS WHEN I WAS PREGNANT, I FELT HORRIBLE ABOUT MYSELF. He said "No, before you even got pregnant, you changed. You stopped being fun and you stopped being affectionate. I don't need attention. I get enough. I needed affection and sex is not affection. I would watch a movie, ask you to join me and you would then you'd get up and go read in the bedroom. I wanted you next to me, snuggling. Who gives a bleep what we were watching. I just wanted to hold you, like we used to do. At night, I don't want to sleep on my side of the bed. I didn't want you on your side. I wanted us on top of each other in the middle. The middle part of the bed is the best part when you were in it with me......" So I feel like crap. I told him "I don't remember it being like that." He said "I know. It's not the only reason, but that's part of how we got here......but it doesn't matter now. Things are done." And even at that time, I didn't argue. I wanted him to know I didn't remember it that way. I remember him shutting me out as I was trying to lose the weight. And I will admit, then and now, he has always made me feel beautiful. My weight and my appearance were issues in my head, never in his eyes. I knew that then, I know it now. So he gets complete credit for that. But I still was pretty heavy and not happy with myself. I did tell him I understand. Because I do believe him that's how it happened from his perspective. I asked "Why didn't you tell me this then?" He said as I knew he would "I tried." Later, in the program we signed a contract to table the issues and not discuss them. We are also working on ourselves. We also had a section where we had to decide on what we were committed to. Our options were:
I'll settle for being roommates. I'll fight for this marriage. I'll file, I'm done. I'm undecided.
I selected two: I'll fight for this marriage and I'm undecided. He selected two: I'll file, I'm done and I'm undecided. But then he put percentages next to them. I'll file....he put 90% and undecided he wrote 10%.