Hi all, I am an LBS. WAW had EA progressing to PA with co-worker. She called it off, I wanted to try and fix it.
Am I bitter.... no I am not.
I DBed for 18 months and it kind of worked, WAW wanted to come back and we went on holiday together with our S4.
Problem is, after 18 months GAL and DBing, my own emotional enagement was not there. I didn't regress or forget my 180s; in fact I was more mature, more centred but much much less interested in our M.
I guess that the desire to walk away can cut both ways. I thought I knew what I wanted in saving my M but my over-riding feeling is that the "magic" has gone. It feels like it will be easier to meet someone new for some reason... when I am ready to. I say that because of I have to start again (and that's what it feels like with WAW) I figure I'm better off without baggage other than my own.
Does that make me selfish, is having parents who are together better for S4? There's lots of kids out there with parents who S....
The real truth is, people do leave their marriages. My In Laws say WAW is "sick" and I hung onto that for quite a while. But it's not true; we just had a M that did not work. I wanted it to and I'm pretty sure so did WAW. We were both hurt here and it's sad we couldn't make it work. I am religuous and while my faith says stay together I don't beleive God or anyone wants people to stay in an unhappy marriage.
Turn the M around, sure. DB to prevent the big D but if it can't be fixed then I think people should S.
I was as angry as anything when we S but I worked sooo hard to stay my anger and make sure our S4 was OK and there were no recriminations. WAW will always be his Mother.
Looking back 2 years later and only now at the point where the law alows us to D, I know that not letting my anger and hurt take over was the best thing I did. I can look anyone in the eye and know that I was not a very angry bitter ex. If I was, our S4 will never know that.....
I have unloaded a bit here but what I wanted to get across is that this board and all the feedback from WAWs is really very helpful. You all share experience and comments freely with people you don't even know and you do touch other's lives. Thanks to all of you... with understanding comes peace.
-------- Me; 38 W; 34 1 4yr old S Married 4.5 yrs, together 9 yrs Bomb; 15 June 2007 Holiday together Sept 2008; My Dad dies Nov 2008; reconcliation fails Nov 2008