Swimming against the current - PH in piecing

[pearlharbr]

Puppy and Kenn - thanks for checking in. I love having your support.

Hope4us - thanks for taking the time to write back, I know you're going through a lot right now.

I do agree with you and everyone else that I need to slow down. I could use some suggestions as to what is a happy medium. I struggle with knowing how much time to spend together. It feels natural to talk on the phone every day. Should I only see him a few times a week? That way I slow down the physical and emotional reconnection. Or should I see him as often as every day in order to spend time together and reconnect? In that case I think slowing down means less expectations and just more hang time.

Not sure about the "I know we're going to make it" attitude yet. I want to use this time to examine what we both want out of our R and life in general. I'm not sure those things match up and I want to keep an open mind that it is ok if we choose to separate for that reason.

Sam - yes, I know he wants me. I'm not certain that we are right for each other in the long run. And re: only looking to the future, I am definitely not that type of person. I know we can't change the past, but I need to deal with it first. Just ignoring it from now on is just sweeping it under the rug in my book. I need to figure out how many details I need and go from there.

Today I am pissed at him. For some reason I can't shake the thought that he f*cked that whore in my house. And I specifically told him that OW was never to set foot in my house again and he had her help him move out. WTF? Yes, I know he was living with her but there are a number of guys he could have asked to help him for one day. The total disrespect leaves me feeling disgusted and wondering if I can ever move to acceptance.

I want to tell him that I was with another man so he will have those images running through his head, so he will be the one to wonder who I'm thinking about when we kiss or have sex. I want him to understand the pain first hand and level the playing field.