We had a huge blowout tonight, or rather, I had a huge blowout and he just sat there on the other end of the phone.

Re: volleyball league, he swears he told me before about it and said if OW was there he wouldn't do it. I don't remember him telling me this but admittedly I have forgotten things like this in the past. Stuck, he has to tell me about these activities because OW was a coworker and they spent a lot of time together in the company bowling league and other similar activities. Plus he agreed to discuss these things as part of the transparency plan.

The more important issue is that he continues to tell me half truths when asked direct questions. Has OW ever played volleyball with you? First the answer was "no." Then I discovered proof to the contrary. Now the answer is "well, she did play a few times on the weekends but she was never on the teams."

This is what I am tired of, the half truths or lies of omission in response to a simple black and white question. Then I discover later there's more to the story and he tries to back pedal. His answer is "I'm telling you the whole truth now." But I've heard this before. Every time he said he was telling the truth he wasn't. So why should I believe him this time?

I don't want to be anyone's mother. I decided many years ago to not have children. So I certainly do not want to act like his mother, always checking up on what he's doing, who he's with. He is setting me up in this role by not being up front with me to begin with.

His pat response is that he can't change anything in the past, all he can do is try his best now. That's all well and good, but that's always been his response for every damn thing. He definitely subscribes to the philosophy of doing whatever he wants then apologizing for it later when I believe it's much better to just not do the bad thing in the first place.

It devolved from there. I yelled, I cried, I was silent, I talked calmly. And it drives me crazy that there is no emotion in his voice and he never talks about any feelings he may be experiencing. It paints a picture of not caring to me. Yes, I have told him this.

There were more things discussed but it's late and I'm physically and emotionally exhausted.

FWIW, I don't think he's seeing OW or that he wants to see her. For now. But what happens when we're going through tough times or he's mad at me for something? That's where the pattern of "but it's just X" scares me. No contact period turned into "but it's just bowling." After that it was "but it was just to tell her to stop contacting me." What's next? "But it was just to catch up..." "But you were out of town..." "But it was just sex..."


If you love somebody, set them free.
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