I know it's going to take time. I know it needs to be a new relationship. But it's not the same as a new relationship with another person. With someone new there wouldn't be this crisis to overcome from the start. Could something just as bad happen? Of course, but that's not the starting point. I know I will never forget and I fear that I will never truly forgive.
When we had our R talk last week we discussed that what we both learned is that we can't be afraid to be completely honest with each other. If the R can't handle the honesty then it isn't meant to be. So I know that if we can make it through the hard work it will be a much better R. That's still a big "if" in my mind.
Last night xBF came over for dinner. I've had a headache since Sunday so it was a low key evening. When he was leaving he said ILY for the first time (verbally) since October. I just smiled and said good night. I thought about it for a while. I must love him somewhere inside, otherwise I wouldn't be willing to go through all this. But I am not ready to say it, I still feel too vulnerable right now.
Tonight is supposed to be dance classes but still sick from headache. (Puppy, I think you mentioned sinus problems that make you sick to your stomach. That's exactly what happens to me when the barometric pressure changes significantly.) Tomorrow night I go to dinner and a show with my gf. xBF is going back to his home state for a week on Saturday so we have plans to get together Fri night. I think next week will give me some breathing room to see where I stand.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g