Swimming against the current - PH in piecing

[pearlharbr]

Kenn, where to start?

I do really try to spell everything out very clearly. And he admits that I have told him the same thing several times but he "just didn't think that's what I meant." Sigh. Since I told him I am finished repeating myself and I will not go over things again he has been much better about doing things. Plus I did give him a specific list for the transparency plan and he is checking those things off one by one.

You decided to try and get him back, you decided to let him come back and now you have to decide to give it time.

At first I wanted him back, but then I only tried to get him back to be able to be in control and be the one to do the leaving. I never thought I would ever really give him another chance. And I only agreed to that out of guilt and a sense of duty. Nothing more.

All the reasons and feelings that made you want him in the past are there, they are now jsut in the back ground because his is backand you can focus on other feeling instead of the loss.

Maybe. I just think this is a bigger obstacle than either of us imagined it would be. One of my girlfriends asked me months ago, when I told her about DBing, how would I ever get over it and trust him again. I told her I couldn't think about it then and would just stay in the moment and cross that bridge when I came to it. Now I'm looking at the bridge and discovering I may be afraid of heights so it might be better to just change my route.

But you're right, I did like being near him the other day. I just wonder if it's because it's what I want or because it's familiar.

You can take a shot on a guy that you know you have fun and are compatible with (8 years) if you believe that he is remoseful and you have both made the necessary changes OR you can go out and take a shot on the next guy you meet.

My problem with this is that I know xBF is a cheater. I can never un-know that. With someone new I wouldn't assume that he's a cheater because it's a clean slate. True the chances are good that something like this might happen again but at least I would know more about myself and what I can do to prevent it from happening. Sometimes a fresh start sounds like a much better idea.

Oh and tell your boyfriend he is a punk for making fun of people over 40 LOL!

The funny thing is that I am older than him so I know that he doesn't have a problem with older women. So why would he think that just because she's 40ish it means he obviously wouldn't be interested? Makes no sense. OW is not physically his type at all (well, what he has always professed was his type) and I am way hotter than her so yes, I am going to be wary of any new woman in his life.