Swimming against the current - PH in piecing

[pearlharbr]

Thanks for sticking with me stuck, Puppy, Jon and Kenn. Hmm, have I done something to offend the women?

Trying to remember more from Sat night's big convo. I asked about starting counseling. He said he didn't know I was ready to start but if so then he'll start looking for counselors.

He feels frustrated because he's trying and doesn't feel like I'm acknowledging it or I don't think it's enough. So I told him that I do know he's trying but it isn't enough for me and I don't know if it will ever be enough. I don't want to sound harsh but that's the truth. I still don't know if I can or will ever get past this.

I told him I don't think he truly understands how hard this is for me. He is asking me to risk going through the worst time in my life again by trusting him and being with him. It is going to take time and effort.

So that was about all we could handle for one night.

Sunday I texted and asked if he wanted to go check out some open houses with me. We did that in the afternoon then hung out at the house and watched some tv. At one point I did lean against him while we were sitting on the sofa. It was nice.

Last night he came over to pick up some pretzels I baked. I thought he would just take them and go but he wanted to eat one for dinner right away. We ended up watching a couple more episodes of Lost. I wonder if we're spending too much time together now but I would have just watched tv or a movie tonight anyway and we just hung out, no R talk.

Well, a little bit of R talk. I asked who was on the volleyball team he wants to join this summer. J (coworker) and C (his gf) who I've met before and a female friend of C's. Do I need to meet her? He laughed and said I can if I want to but she's in her 40s. So what does that have to do with anything? And she has a boyfriend. Apparently that doesn't matter. Oops, yes, I did say that out loud. A pained look flashed across his face but he still smiled. Before he left he wrote down all his email and phone passwords for me.

Today he asked if he can come by tonight after my dance classes and drop off the letter to OW.

Yes, he seems to be saying and doing all the right things. It's good but I've been disappointed by him so much lately that I don't trust it to continue like this. I guess only time will tell.