What is this letter of which you speak? Why hasn't it been sent already? Is this something YOU thought of, or something you and xBF have discussed?

I tend to agree with Puppy - if SHE saw HIM in some capacity, ran into him at the grocery store, etc, and spoke with him, then she may be baiting him.

Do you know the details of THEIR breakup? Does she still like him, and he dumped her?

Just trying to look at the situation from every angle, and not make excuses for him. Your journal above describes exactly how much you still care for him.

I might have told you that Tawnya's mom (a counselor) told her that the opposite of love is not hate/anger - it is apathy. Hate and anger are very intense expressions of passionate feelings toward someone.

This is exactly why I suggested you fish/cut bait - and if you stayed you give 100%, and then you self-described as an all or nothing person. So, either, trust him - and believe that a random email from this woman doesn't mean anything, or get packing!

Also, don't ever forget that even when someone decides to do the right thing, it isn't always easy. He may have realized that he had feelings for you, and didn't want to lose you, but it doesn't mean that it's easy.

I "understand" my W's affair. If she is with me, she has to learn to trust again, do the right thing, deal with the past, be responsible, face up to her children, face up to leaving 28 years of God and faith and running the opposite way, and admit to doing wrong.
-- OR --
She can be with OM the atheist - who lives a long ways away, can just come in, say pretty things that make her feel good, and leave. She doesn't have any responsibilities to him, etc.

My W has almost zero respect from me - I love her dearly, but she has attacked this family, my children, our family morals, more stuff than I can list. BUT if she was woman enough to do what I listed above, she would instantly regain my respect.

THAT'S why I would give her another chance. If he contacted her, I would ask her if she responded, and if she didn't, I'd say OK.

Here is the scoop: If he's lying, and still contacting her, you will find out. He says he isn't. If you are going to torture yourself, and cry yourself into a nose-bleed, then just go. Now.

Otherwise, let it go. Hating him does nothing for you. Getting revenge will NOT make you feel better (oh, maybe for 5 minutes).

I fought those feelings for a long time, and none of them every did anything. I have spoken very angrily to W about stuff she has said to our kids, and it has accomplished nothing except to make her worse.

When I found peace is when I can look back at the amazing times we had with fondness and happiness. I have loved and do love W more than I ever thought was possible, and I'm happy with that. Here is a quote from the movie The Notebook:
"I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough."

Cheesy, romantic, bleah. \:\) But, Pearl, like I said, make this about YOU! If you love him, and he betrays you, that's his problem! If you make a beautiful painting, and someone ruins it, it sucks, but it doesn't take away from the fact that you are an amazing artist.

If you can love with a heart of forgiveness, true love, understanding, and grace - that's beautiful, like you. If he doesn't get that, or betrays that, it doesn't change anything about you! It just shows that he's an idiot, and San Fransisco just upped its population by 1!

I'm not proof-reading this, and it came off the top of my head, so for what it's worth...