Dday 101798 touches on an important point. For years I thought I was sending out signals anyone could interpret that I was not happy. Still, my LBS considered it a "bomb" (wow, maybe I can sling this terminology). Beforehand, the feeling I would always get was along the lines of "well, where the heck are you going to go?" In other words, I felt very taken for granted.
My situation had it all--we were saddled with mountains of debt, alienation of affection, didn't see eye to eye on much of anything...Of course, it was never like that in the beginning but our "commitments" are expected to never change when the entire world around them does.
Perhaps all this made me a prime OW candidate, but I do not feel like I was hoodwinked, stolen, fogged, beguiled or any of that other crap. The day came when I simply realized I was in love with someone else...and that could not happen if I still loved my former spouse...
I do not feel dysfunctional, mentally deficient, evil, or any of the many other things we WAS are called out here. Someone once said if marriage required 1 year and ten thousand dollars to get into, and divorce required a cheap certificate from the courthouse, we would have a helluva lot fewer divorces. We all know it works the other way around though.
"Getting out" was very traumatic and I take my fair share of the blame for that. If there was a mistake to be made, I probably made it. Still, the LBS did a lot of damage too, and all in the name of a commitmant that was no longer worth the paper it was printed on.
In the end, as crazy as it sounds, I chose the divorce option for the kid's sake. No one will ever understand that...but it was the only way I could see them without the LBS around. The kids were used as tools to get me to come back...and I resent that to this very day.
So...in the end...although maybe some of us are on opposite sides of the fence so to speak...maybe there is a way we can still help each other...
