For the spouse who has Walked Away

[AJM]

As I re-read some of this, I think something else stands out. One of the difficulties that comes out of being a left behind spouse is that we didn't see it coming. Why is that? Did we bury our heads? Did we just live in a far off land and not realize that things weren't working? Did our spouse just leave prior to leaving, make a decision for what's best for them personally (vs the couple) and then finally get up the courage to tell how they felt?

Or did we expect that working through issues was part of being married. That being in love is a choice and not something that a leprechaun just magically bestows on us when we walk through the woods? (that was humor or humour if you're on the other side of the pond).

I don't hold any grudges. I've asked my WAS if she could have done this any other way. I believe her when she says no. Does that make this any less difficult? No. Not for me nor for her.

What if the WAS told their "partner" how they felt long before? What if the WAS was honest about their own feelings long before the "bomb" as the LBS considers it? Why do LBS never see this coming?

Religion aside, I think dday makes some good points. This was a partnership. A friendship. A trusted area of your life where you trusted yourself to your partner. You also trusted your feelings and your innermost thoughts with your best friend and partner. At least at one point you did. Then you decided that it wasn't something you could do any more. The deal was broken. You turned on your best friend (from their perspective) and seem surprised that they are hurt or that they lash out.

Partnerships are just that. You share the joys and the burdens. When you stop doing that, it hurts.

My additional $0.04 anyway (USD)

AJ