Sorry, other end of the gender pool, but after all this, does it really matter?
Sorry to hear of so many problems all at once and especially that on eof the kids is affected by it. As you said, all you can do is watch it and see.
And I can sooooo, relate to the mental images that can be hard to shake. Never really had much problem with it until i came across STBX and OM groping each other in the middle of park sprawling with everyone we know and their kids, now that's one for the vommit patrol.
It completely stinks that all this puts you such a bind, but as said, you can't rely on H for anything. I was there every second of every moment for my MIL when she was battling cancer (and lost). My STBX was there every second of every moment when OM's mother was hospitalized. What happened when my mother was in the ER? OH, she called, but expressed sympathy for a few minutes, then turned the call into the same old blame-game.
You need to find a way to be dependent for yourself. If and when you're ready to get back out there that will speak volumes for itself over everything else.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11