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Yes, you're having a pity party but that's ok. When you are put into one unreasonable and unfair position after another, we'll let you host a little PP once in a while.
Yes, he is contradicting himself re: your inability to have custody and ability to work. He is thinking only of himself and what he wants. Period. It isn't fair or right, but that is what he is doing. The real question you hneed to answer is, "what are you going to do about it?" Are you going to continue to hope that he comes to his senses or are you going to ensure that your interests are protected?
Working/financial situation - you need to make plans for yourself that DO NOT rely on your husband. To repeat, he is not thinking of you or his vows, etc. It is up to you to take care of yourself. What are you interested in doing? What experience do you have? What are you physically capable of doing (healthwise)?
As far as dating is concerned, I agree with a fellow poster - it doesn't sound like you are even near-ready to date. Don't rush yourself because you feel like you are "supposed" to be at a certain point in the grieving process. My rollercoaster started 2 years ago and I'm finally feeling like I'm ready to date. Everyone has their own pace so stick with what feels right to you.
Keep in mind, believe it or not, you aren't some "damaged" mess that no one will ever find lovable. You may feel low and rejected now but give yourself due credit.
Thoughts of him with other women... yeah, this is tough for all of LBSs on these boards. Often people talk in abstract terms about "cheating" but the reality of what that actually means is what we all have burned into our brains. In the early days of my separation, I came very close to puking when I thought about what my XH was doing with his AP.
I decided that once my mind went in that direction, I was going to try really hard to redirect my thoughts to something else. Didn't always work but you can't keep focusing on what you H is doing right now. It will do nothing but drive you nuts and make you feel like $hit.
Me: 30 H: 31 Together: 8+ years, Married: 4+ years Bomb: May 2007 Divorce final Oct. 2008 No kids, 1 super-cute yellow lab