Hi girls…I think we’re all girls? =)
Yes, I’m afraid because of my health issues. In 2005 I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, and the neuro pointed out another issue on my brain scan called an Arnold Chiari Malformation of the cerebellum. He told us this malformation was genetic, and so we had to have both of our kids tested. Our daughter tested fine, yet our son tested positive and his malformation was worse than mine! Come to find out he has a cyst in his spinal cord as well, and there isn’t a darn thing we can do about it but watch it to see if it grows. If it DOES GROW then we’ll have to take steps to make it smaller, because growing spinal cord cysts cause paralysis. Ughh!

In the past couple years our insurance has paid hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical, and I was immediately approved for Social Security disability when I was diagnosed (this is rare). Although SS isn’t much, it does pay the groceries. =o)

So here I am….afraid of my future….how will I take care of myself if the MS flares up and I can’t walk…how am I going to pay my medical bills…..how am I going to afford to live?

Believe me when I say, I’m not wanting my husband to stick around because of financial reasons…because I love the jerk. However, with that being said…I often look at him and wonder how he can leave a wife with health issues, and often that fateful statement come to mind…‘in sickness and in health.” Ya know?

He tells the court that I can’t have custody of our little guy because of my health….yet on the other hand, he’s says I’m well enough to get a job. Huh? Aren’t those statements contradicting each other?

I’m just lost, like I said, and scared. We had court today and his lawyer told mine that he’s getting a bit ‘frustrated with this process’ because he wants this done and over with.

I don’t understand how a man I’ve spent 30 years of my 46 years alive can be so different all of a sudden. I don’t understand how he cannot care about me at all. There are so many things I just don’t understand. My family says I need to stop asking those questions and accept the way it is.

I’m so hurt that he’s now having something so intimate, sex, with other women. I keep seeing that in my mind and I don’t know how to stop it. He told me three weeks ago he was not interested in women because he wanted to work on him…and I believed him. And now I find out differently. I’ve done nothing but sob my heart out in my pillow at night thinking of him being with another woman in that way. I have to stop writing about it…I’m in tears just thinking of it.

You all have great points and I know that I’m so not ready to move on. But what do I say when I’m ready ….”Hi, my name is Bliss, and I have MS, and I may eventually need brain surgery…..would you like to go out for coffee?”lolol

I know I’m totally whining here…and I’m in this huge pity party. Ughhh….like Jim Carey said in that movie..”Somebody stop me!!!”

Hugs to you all,

Me:46 H: 46
DD:22, DS:12
Together since age 16.
Married: 26 years 10-9-08...H filed for D same week as our anniversary.

Dear Lord....Please keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.