Thank you both for your words of encouragement and support. I stepped back from these forums for a little while, just because my focus has been on survival. Now I realize that survival for me must include those who have been there, done that...and can help me to begin to rebuild.

Onward: I agree with you on your classification of what my H has turned out to be. So why do I want him back? Ugh…this is the most frustrating part of it all. We live in a small town and he’s trashed me to everyone…”She did this….She did that….” Blah, blah, blah. I’ve texted him several times, just spewing…and I really don’t want to spew anymore. I’ve been on social security for three years now, support myself? How? I couldn’t believe when we went to court the first time….a woman judge!!! I thought to myself, how can a MAN step in front of woman judge, after being married for 26 years, and look that judge in the eye and say he wants nothing to do with maintenance for his ill wife?? And then he has the nerve to text me after the first court date and say “Are you happy now? I bet your sleeping well tonight…” Huh? Amazing!!

I’m very blessed that I do have some amazing friends, and an amazing family. H took the car…I have no way to get around, so I’ve relied on many people to get me to and from doctor’s appointments, and even though I feel like such a burden, they’ve stuck by me and have helped me.
I’m tired of crying. I WANT TO BE STRONG!

I’m honestly not saying that I’ve been blameless in the troubles of our marriage. I have asked God to help me forgive me and move forward.

GAL? Ugh…I don’t even know where to start! Ideas anyone?

Thanks so much and hugs to you all,

Me:46 H: 46
DD:22, DS:12
Together since age 16.
Married: 26 years 10-9-08...H filed for D same week as our anniversary.

Dear Lord....Please keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.