I've been asked to share some thoughts so here I go.
How many of you are at a point in your recovery that you can accept that you added to the breakdown in your marriage?
When I look back on my own marriage I have finally realized that I'm partly to blame. Maybe I always realized it but was not able to admit it. I'm not talking about that piece of cr-p list your x gives you that lists all the things you did wrong. We all know those lists were made up as an excuse. I'm talking about the real negative contribution you made.
I always thought I had a wonderful marriage. Always bragged because we never had a fight. I realize now that that was a symptom of trouble in my marriage. We never had a fight because we never talked about the things we didn't like. We brushed everything under the carpet or carried it around in our hearts.
There was so much stuff that I can now admit that I think there were other affairs during my marriage. I always felt that the relationship my spouse had with 2 different women at work were questionable and now I'm recovered enough to admit that I ignored them.
Eventually all that stuff eats away at the marriage and the strong base is gone. X started looking for something else and of course a new mistress was more than willing to give it. She sensed immediatly what I wasn't giving him and jumped in. It's not her fault he was out there available, she just saw an opportunity to improve her own life and did! It's X's fault and mine.
Now I'm not saying it's my fault the x ended up in an affair, he knew what he was doing was wrong and did it anyway. What I'm saying is I helped create a situation where he didn't think he could talk to me. I stopped being his best friend and he wanted one.
So my contribution to my own divorce is just that I stopped being my husband's best friend and it cost me my marriage.
Short of a spouse have a diagnosed illness I can't think of a case where we didn't all have some contribution.
So, here's the question, what was YOUR contribution?
"It's not what happens to you, it's what you make of it." Zig Ziglar